Thursday, July 23, 2009

on the summer of a grown up

Sometimes I step back and look at the position I'm in and wonder.... how the hell did I get here? I live in San Diego California. I am a junior at San Diego State University. I have found my soul mate. I have a real job that is searching for a cure for cancer. I'm on track to graduate in 4 years. I have a decent shot at getting into medical school.

But then the joy and the amazement I had one second vanishes and I'm left with worry, and stress, and anxiety. I worry every single day that I'm working so hard for the one true thing I've wanted to be all my life and that there is a definite chance I wont get there; that I'll study my ass off for the MCAT and not get the score I want; that I'll work so hard in my classes but they'll be the same classes everyone else is taking with the same grades everyone else is getting; that I'll volunteer like everyone else, I'll work in a lab like everyone else, I'll get letters of recommendation like everyone else; that I'll just be..... like everyone else. And to be completely honest, I don't know what else to do about it.

I'm just worried that I'll give it my all and I'll get the small envelope in the mail instead of the large envelope and a bunch of rejections.


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